Money and relationships

Do: Share what you care about.

Maybe you’re really into comic books or going to football games. And maybe your partner loves nights at the theater. It’s natural to have different interests that affect how you spend your money—but that doesn’t mean you can’t be financially compatible.

Your budget should be based on what you value, and understanding what matters most can help you make room in your budget for what you both love. Brian Ford, Truist’s head of financial wellness, says it’s OK if your values are different. “It should spur a conversation so the two of you can make allowances for what’s important to the other, even if it’s something you don’t share in common.”

One way to navigate these different interests is to set aside money each month for both personal splurges and shared experiences. That way, you can each enjoy what you love without guilt or surprise.

DON’T: Dismiss the little things

When ignored, small money issues can turn into big relationship problems. While you should pick your battles, don’t completely brush off something that’s bothering you. (They spent how much on skincare products last month?) Instead, talk about it and look for opportunities to compromise or get on the same page. 

Do: Establish your financial roles.

Any partnership is based on shared responsibilities. Naturally, you need to talk about who does and pays for what. If you live together, have a conversation about which expenses you’re each responsible for and create a household budget. This can help reduce miscommunication and stress associated with role uncertainty.

If you consider merging finances with your spouse, talk with them about shared expenses. One option you may want to consider is a “yours, mine, and ours” approach, in which couples maintain independent bank accounts in addition to a joint account used to pay household bills.

Don’t: Avoid the topic of debt.

When you commit to another person and everything that comes with them, that can mean their debt, too. Be open and up front with each other about any outstanding debt you have so your partner isn’t caught off guard. This is also an opportunity to check in on each other’s feelings about debt.

Talking about debt with the mindset of tackling it together may help you uncover new ways to support each other. For instance, if you have a better credit score than your spouse, you could consider adding them to one of your existing credit cards, which may help to improve their credit history. Or if you both have high-interest debt, you might consider consolidating jointly as a potential option. Keep in mind: These options may not be right for everyone’s situation or relationship—and you should both be on the same page about using credit responsibly if you choose to combine finances in either of these ways.

It’s also important to note that debt doesn’t always need to be avoided. Using credit responsibly may help enrich your life—investing in a home with a mortgage or a family member’s career with student loans are two possible examples. Credit cards can sometimes help to improve your credit score, as long as you aren’t tempted to spend irresponsibly and you pay the balance off every month to avoid paying interest and fees. Sharing the responsibility of using credit with a partner can help make it feel less daunting, as long as you both use it wisely and are on the same page. 

Do: Work as a team toward big goals.

Relationships are partnerships, no matter if you’ve just gotten serious or have been married for years. Your financial compatibility can come down to how well you communicate and your willingness to tackle obstacles and big financial goals together.

For example, if you’re planning on buying a house, it’s important to know each person’s credit history and to create an actionable plan for improving your scores over time so you can qualify for a mortgage with a better interest rate.

Keeping an eye on the future doesn’t just help with long-range financial planning; it’s also a great way to bond as a couple. Review your plans often and explore the wild “what ifs.” What hopes and dreams do you both share? As life changes, your goals and conversations will, too. But the more you talk about money with your partner, the more natural and loving the chats should become.

Don’t: Forget to check in down the road.

“Small and cordial check-ins—and disagreements—every so often about money can help avoid a big blow-up argument,” Ford says. He recommends checking in at least once a month, especially during the beginning of a committed relationship with shared finances. If there are any problems, you’ll have an opportunity to tackle them head-on together.

At your check-in money conversations, make it a point to celebrate small wins (You paid off a credit card! You maxed out your 401(k)s for the year!). That feeling of achievement and overcoming obstacles can strengthen your bond.